Meet queen hipster. Her name is "Caroline Shadood" and she runs a shitty blog called Broadist where she: 

 

  • Takes shitty photos
  • Uses Instagram to make them look old and ironic
  • Complains about her life and not being on welfare

Yeah you heard that right - she complains about not being allowed on welfare. The State of New York denied her application for welfare, and she wrote a long-winded, pussy bitch-fest about it on a dirty hipster website.

Oh, she's about as a pretentious of a cunt-bucket as you could possibly imagine. Let's disassemble her article.

 

I am the kind of person that doesn’t “deserve” food stamps -- you know the type.In this case, I am an able-bodied 24-year-old educated fat white person with no kids who comes from an upper middle class background and chose to work in a creative field.

Despite these shortcomings in the ranking of my purported deservedness, I feel entitled to eat food.

Mistake #1: you "chose to work in a creative field."

PROTIP nobody pays for art! Nobody! The expression of the self is not valued in the modern western society. Progress is! The ability to do something that gets shit done in some manner is valued more than art ever has, or will, be.

There's a real fucking problem in our culture wherein it falsely identifies "art" as a "good and deserving" thing. Quite frankly, art is horseshit. Art isn't going to figure out how to get us out of a financial crisis, or make Iran calm the fuck down about nuclear weapons, or any other myriad of things.

Art is nice, and enjoyable, but it sure as fuck isn't worth a goddamn penny today. Oh, some pieces of art sell for a shitload of money; but, that's either because the artist got in the history books, or because the living artist knows how to fucking talk to businessmen and sell his products - in which case the value isn't his art, but his ability to fucking sell something.

Mistake #2: "being creative" isn't the same thing as "creating something"

Look, I live in New York City and I see this shit all of the fucking time: some hipster created piece of trash is laying in the street for all to look at, but it's nothing special. It's just a piece of shit in the street. Yeah you were creative - how many people would actually think to take a shit in the street and call it art - but you sure as hell didn't create anything, except a problem for the DOS who has to clean that shit up. Great job, you've just given some garbage man a reason to reconsider his lot in life, aren't you fucking special?

Creating things takes time, energy, resources, talent, and money - none of which you have. You're just like the rest of us: a fucking waste of flesh trying to get by in your daily life, and you can't find a decent body to fuck.

People pay for shit that gets created. They won't pay for being creative about taking a shit.

Mistake #3: you think that you're entitled to eat

Guess what, you fucking waste of cum and eggs: you're entitled to jack shit in life. According to the World Hunger, about 1 in 7 people go "hungry" each day, and almost 17,000 people die each year as a result of starvation (often, though, starvation isn't the cause of death, making this a misleading statistic - other things kill you a lot faster than starving to death).

Look if you're really "starving" I'll do my part and let you swallow my fucking load. At least then you won't have to worry about a protein deficiency.

 

I currently embody the working poor and pulling myself up by the bootstraps is neither easy nor graceful when already working six days a week.

My entitlement isn’t that I clocked so many hours in the library that I feel I deserve good grades on my transcript. It isn’t that I tried so hard throughout school and applying for jobs and I was such a good person to myself and others that I feel like I deserve some answer from the universe. No, this isn’t A for effort.

For the living breathing functioning person I am, I would like to have enough to eat every day. And deep down I know this is different than your run-of-the-mill entitlement.

YOU DO NOT REPRESENT THE WORKING POOR!
YOU DO NOT REPRESENT THE WORKING POOR!
YOU DO NOT REPRESENT THE WORKING POOR!
YOU DO NOT REPRESENT THE WORKING POOR!
YOU DO NOT REPRESENT THE WORKING POOR!
YOU DO NOT REPRESENT THE WORKING POOR!

HEY YOU DUMB WHITE BITCH: THE WORKING POOR DON'T HAVE MOMMY AND DADDY TO FALL BACK ON WHEN THINGS TURN TO SHIT!

Jesus fucking Chris this bitch pisses me off.

If "this isn't an A for effort" then go back to work you lazy fucking slob of a human being! Go put some fucking effort into your fucking life. Quit whining about how malnourished you are when you're blogging about going to parties, out to dinner with your friends, and buying shit like "artisan" cheese.

Also, I have no idea what "Deep down I know this is different than your run-of-the-mill entitlement" is supposed to mean. There are other types of entitlements outside of being a selfish, whining whore?

Oh, all of the fucks just keep on coming with this cunt. Let's continue.

 

I could have noticed the little things, like my dwindling savings account. Simple outings to bars or dinner with friends becoming more of a hostile cruel joke, even if it was just the taco truck and an iced tea. Bypassing the cobbler who would have inexpensively repaired my best boots before winter. Asking my accountant for a payment plan to do my taxes. Pushing bills and expenses back; and so on.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, your embodiment of the working poor: a savings account, repairing boots at a cobbler, and a fucking accountant. A fucking accountant!

"Simple" outings to the bar, or dinner with friends became a "hostile cruel joke" - even those trips to the taco truck! You know, those trucks on the site of the road that charge $5 for one of these tacos.

Why the fuck is she shitting on the taco truck of all places, anyway? When the fuck did "taco truck" become some kind of slang for "place where poor people eat"? Fuck tacos, go hit up the truck on 43rd and 5th at about 11pm. Lines of people waiting for a plate of rice and some meat for about $4. Lots of rice too, it'll fill you right the fuck up.

I digress. Back to the topic at hand: why the fuck do you have an accountant? Everyone that's "working poor" that I know does their own taxes. No shit, you don't need a fucking degree to file your taxes; but, then again, you did go with a "creative" degree, so you're probably too fucking stupid to shit in your own toilet, let alone file taxes.

Dumb fucking cunt.

 

I remember having a panic attack outside of a packed brunch restaurant because I owed $15 (FIFTEEN DOLLARS) for my meal + tip and I couldn’t believe I allowed myself to leave the apartment and spend such an exorbitant about of money.

Bitch, I say this on behalf of everyone who had to or currently does live off of the cheap tuna at Western Beef:

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU EATING OUT WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY YOU DUMB CUNT?!

Second: who the fuck spends $15 on breakfast? I can go to the local deli and get egg, bacon and cheese on a roll with an orange juice for about $5 - and that's if I splurge and get the large Tropicana OJ bottle. Seriously, where the fuck are you spending your money you dumb cunt?

It's this next part, though, that takes the fucking cake. Check this shit out:

 

My idea of a hot date involves Netflix and a 6-pack of Simpler Times lager. I’ve never spent more than $600-per-month on rent ...

Since last fall, the only constants in the fridge have been the various condiments I’ve accrued from the last few years living in Brooklyn. Guyanese jerk seasoning (reminds me of my family), organic Heinz ketchup (good on everything), Thai sweet chili sauce (Trader Joe’s makes me buy things I don’t need); all relics of a time when my diet was varied beyond pasta, eggs, apples, coffee and whatever was free at work.

 

That's right folks, the bitch who absolutely needs to live on welfare has a pantry stocked full of peanut butter, local honey, pasta, and a fridge full of eggs, apples, and coffee. Are you fucking kidding me? You dirty hipster bitch!

On top of that she can afford Netflix (which means some kind of high-speed Internet access), a 6-pack of really shitty, and overpriced beer, and over $500 in rent! Oh, and on her blog she clearly uses an iPhone 4, which means she pays for that ludicrious data plan as well! Oh yeah, public welfare was made for fucking leeches like you!

This bitch then has the nerve to post a picture of "the sad state" of her fridge. Check this shit out.

 

It looks bare and barren, right? Like someone on the verge of homelessness? Someone who absolutely needs public assistance to eat right the fuck now, right? Of course it fucking doesn't! Look at this shit:

 

Go back, again, to her earlier statement:

 

For the living breathing functioning person I am, I would like to have enough to eat every day.

REALITY CHECK: the picture of your pantry and fridge? That's enough nourishment for a person to last for longer than a month. By your own statement you already have enough to eat every day.

Maybe not enough to be satiated, but certainly enough to live. Of course, you do shop at Trader Joe's, so I'm not surprised you don't think you have enough money.

Oh yeah, let's talk about this shithole of hipster trash for a minute:

 

Trader Joes is a haven for hipster trash. It's a fucking scam: they replace all of the brand name products with their own brand, provide a "different shopping atmosphere", and mark up their prices by about 50%. This shit-hole is what's killing your wallet more than your Netflix subscription ever will. Do you remember that "thai sweet-chili sauce" she loves to buy from Trader Joe's? Here's a fucking secret:

This is the exact same sauce you can buy somewhere else. It just has the Trader Joe's label on it and costs $4 more. No, I'm not shitting you. It's the exact same chili sauce that Shop Rite carries under their own brand, made by the exact same third party company.

Trader Joe's just charges more money because it has the Trader Joe's logo on it. This is the same bullshit, insane mentality you fucking hipsters have when it comes to owning an iPhone. You hipsters are in-fucking-sane!

Meanwhile, this cunt-waffle says she shops there all the time. She has no money yet, on average, a bill at Trader Joes costsalmost three times as much as a bill from another New York staple:

 

Yeah, that's right, ShopRite. The local fucking grocery that only "poor people" go to. I'm dead serious when I say I've heard my sister - a hipster in her own right - say that to me.

Seriously, check out the demographics difference between Trader Joe's and Shop Rite, or Western Beef. You know who shops at Trader Joe's? Dumb fucking hipsters. Everyone else that's looking to save a buck goes to Shop Rite.

Fixing this cunts problems are way too easy, and they don't involve getting welfare. Check it out

NEW SHOPPING PLAN FOR THE DUMB HIPSTER

  1. Stop shopping at Trader Joe's. The "atmosphere" that you like is costing you an extra $40 on your receipt.
  2. Stop buying $15 organic eggs you dumb cunt. I get a dozen eggs for almost $4, depending on the coupon I use.
  3. Why the FUCK do you buy "organic" anything? That shit is expensive!
  4. Go Shop Rite brand. On average it costs $2 less per product.
  5. Drop that fucking Netflix account. You don't use it as much as you think you do.
  6. That high-speed Internet access? Go get DSL for $15/month. Already got that? Drop it, you don't make money online, and you're too fucking stupid to know how to actually use the Internet beyond Wikipedia and hipster trash websites.
    • PROTIP those sites don't need 50mbps down to load fast.
  7. That iPhone 4S? Get rid of it you stupid, simple-minded, brainwashed fucking retard.
  8. If you ABSOLUTELY need some kind of smartphone, save your goddamn pennies and get MetroPCS. $40/mo, tax included.
    • You'll have to buy an Android smartphone.
    • It'll cost more, but buying is always better than leasing under contract.
    • By the end of your first two years you'll have saved over $500.
    • The truth is, though, that you don't fucking need it.
    • No, really, if you want to save money, get a pre-paid phone from Verizon. $20, and you only have to refill once a month at a minimum of $1.
  9. Go Single-ply. You have a sink for a reason.
  10. Stop buying shit like "earth balance" butter. It's not cool to spend $5 more on a product because of its name you fucking tool.
  11. For the love of god, get a real brand of beer. Jesus, I'll even let you drink Coors if it means you stop overpaying for a 6 pack of beer water!
  12. Learn to like other things! Holy shit! Go eat some goddamn chicken, it's cheap for a fucking reason.

Oh, there's another point in there I need to fucking discuss in another article. Buying shit because it sounds good, or it gives you a "good experience" is a waste of fucking money you trned-whores. That's for another time, though.

Of course, there is the chance (not really) that she's a starving artist, who is pumping all of their funds in their passion and trying to actually create amazing art for the world to enjoy. Maybe, just maybe, she's actually trying to create something that society - and the world - will come to appriciate in a hundred years, and doesn't care about her situation.

In that case, her situation could be caused by the love of what she is trying to create, rather than any real need to survive in the world, but the pressures of the world simply got to ehr and she needed to express that.

 

And the deeper truth is that I’m having an easier time being okay with my poorness than I am being okay with this opinion. So I’m left here in Brooklyn with $12 until Friday, living out a cliché and continuing to work my ass off.

 

NOPE! BITCH JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE SHE'S POOR!

Stupid bitch, I have the answer to all of your goddamn problems right here:

 

I'm looking through this family dollar circular, and check this shit out!

 

  • Hunts Ketchup: $1.35
  • 15oz can of Lima Beans: $1
  • 23oz Arizona tea: $0.85
  • "Family Gourmet" store brand: really fucking cheap!

Stupid Fucking Hipsters.